Last night I dreamed, for the umpteenth time, that my Grandmother had died. I was at the hospital along with a handful of relatives. They told me that doctors had to cut off pieces of my Grandmother — fingertips, pieces of her brain and some other parts of her body. Then she died. One of my cousins was there with her mother, who was tall and extremely thin. I asked my cousin if her mother was ok. She looked at me without blinking and in a deadpan voice stated “she’s going to die too.”
We gathered for my Grandmother’s funeral in what looked to be the world’s largest conference room. There were hundreds of people there, all standing. I couldn’t see my Grandmother’s body because several very tall cousins stood in front of me. My sister arrived with patients from the group home where she worked. The crowd parted so the disabled patients could pass. The minister was annoyed and told my sister the next time she needed to bring her patients the church had to be notified because they were not equipped to deal with these type of people. The funeral started. There was no procession. Just hundreds of friends and family standing in this conference room with a minister at the podium. And then I woke up.
My Grandmother passed away November 18, 2003 in the house I grew up in. Since then I’ve dreamed of several funeral do-overs for her. At a community center. At several different churches. And now in the world’s largest conference room. I’ve also dreamed that she’s driving us on a chartered bus to a family reunion but I always wake up before we arrive.
I dream of other deceased relatives too. One where my black sheep Grandfather is standing outside a large white mansion in the country while our family celebrates inside. I’m late to the party, and when I see him standing there, I invite him in. He says, “no, I don’t belong in there. I’ll just stand out here.” I think for a moment and decide to stand outside with him. Then I woke up.
There’s this other dream where my family has gathered in a huge white house for a wedding that’s being held on an upstairs balcony. My deceased Aunt Shirley is sitting on a couch. I arrive late and on my way upstairs I say to her, “c’mon, let’s go to the wedding.” She responds, “no, you go. I have to leave now.” After she leaves, I stand there for a moment. And then I woke up.
I dreamed my relatives from Wisconsin came to Michigan on a charted bus for a reunion. When they started unloading, I was surprised to see my deceased Aunt Jennie. She was so excited, she didn’t want to come inside, she wanted to walk around and see everything that had changed since she died. I asked my cousin “what is she doing here?” And then I woke up.
I have these particular types of dreams, deceased relatives at family gatherings, with unresolved endings, several times a week. They are almost all that I dream about. I’m sure they mean something. But what?